Hm…

Once I was very, very, very jealous of two of my best friends, Amber and Ashley. I was really envious of their drawing skill. Even though I was a blossoming artist and becoming much better at my talent. I was deathly envious of their skill to create realistic artwork, and draw beautiful animals. They liked to team up a lot, too, as they had a lot of similar ideas and drew similarly. And drew dragons. Always dragons… mythical beasts I can never seem to fucking draw correctly. But they could. And gosh, they were always- and still always are- gorgeous.

Anyway, all I could draw were manga-looking people, and my obsessions. And cartoons. In other words, realism escaped me. And I was always incredibly jealous of skills I did not have. Instead of working on them, I cried about it. And they felt terrible. Because I was jealous of them. And I felt horrible that I had to make them feel that way. But I couldn’t help it at the time. My emotions were haywire. I didn’t know how to cope. I wasn’t thinking clearly, ever. And so it went, for years. I was always jealous of them for skills I didn’t have. Never mind the fact that neither of them could draw in my cartooning style.

Now I am much more confident in my work. I am proud of the work I am capable of, and what I excel at that they seem to lack or not be as good at producing. My artwork is mine, and they can never have it. Nor can I ever have theirs. A truth I took a long time to realize.

Once I realized this truth, I felt a lot happier. And a lot more proud of myself as an artist and author of my own characters. I have also tried a lot harder not to compare myself to other artists- or even people, in normal situations outside of art- in order to become happier. Because if you’re comparing yourself or any of your traits to that of another person, you will never, ever, ever be happy with yourself…

You will try so hard to become that person that you will make yourself miserable. And you will never become that person… so it’s a lost cause. A failed mission. From which you are trying to obtain happiness. If happiness is the only goal, then you will never be happy until you ditch that dream. You can admire someone. You can strive to be like them. But you will never be them, ever.

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will find happiness. Not because you have become someone else, but because you have accepted yourself for who you are, and will now strive to better yourself. Not become another person.